Spiderman 3 OST
Various Artists
Score: 6.8
There’s always something a little tawdry about the Spiderman soundtracks. Something so dark and cheap that I am loath to even write about it, they are just so engineered. You don’t believe me? Okay, well, let’s let the tracklists for the last two Spiderman soundtracks speak for themselves, shall we?
Spiderman (2002)
1. Theme From Spider Man
2. Hero - Chad Kroeger (feat. Josey Scott)
3. What We're All About - Sum 41
4. Learn To Crawl - Black Lab
5. Somebody Else – Bleu
6. Bug Bites - Alien Ant Farm
7. Blind – Default
8. Bother - Corey Taylor
9. Shelter - Greenwheel
10. When It Started - The Strokes
11. Hate To Say I Told You So - The Hives
12. Invisible Man - Theory Of A Dead Man
13. Undercover - Pete Yorn
14. My Nutmeg Phantasy - Macy Gray (feat. Angie Stone and Mos Def)(Tom Morello Mix)
15. I - IV - V - Injected
16. She Was My Girl - Jerry Cantrell
17. Main Titles - Danny Elfman
18. Farewell - Danny Elfman
19. Theme from Spiderman – Aerosmith
This blatantly cashes in on the Nickelback craze; in fact, I think that THREE of the bands on this soundtrack are either Nickelback or Nickelback operating under a different guise. Oh and then there’s that song “What we’re all about” by Sum 41 where the chorus was “ROCK! It’s what we’re all about, it’s what we live for, come on and shout it out!” I thought it was always really funny to substitute the “ROCK!” with “COCK!” and the “we’re” with “you’re” I had very few friends. ANYWAY, this cashes in on the musical fad of 2002 which were.
1.) Nickelback.
2.) Bands that sounded like Nickelback.
3.) “The” Bands, The Hives, The Strokes, The Vines, The The’s
4.) Danny Elfman.
Now that I have distilled their dark work, let’s begin on the second Spiderman soundtrack.
Spiderman 2 (2004)
1. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional
2. Ordinary - Train
3. Did You - Hoobastank
4. Hold On – Jet
5. Gifts And Curses - Yellowcard
6. Woman - Maroon 5
7. This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know) - Taking Back Sunday
8. Give It Up - Midtown
9. Lucky You – lostprophets
10. Who I Am - Smile Empty Soul
11. The Night That The Lights Went Out In NYC - The Ataris
12. We Are - Ana
13. Someone To Die For - Jimmy Gnecco featuring Brian May
14. Spidey Suite - Danny Elfman
15. Doc Ock Suite - Danny Elfman
AHHHH! The game they play is so brazen! This is obviously a vehicle for the 2004 musical fad. One that hasn’t really disintegrated, but hasn’t been thriving as heartily as it was in 2004; in 2004 there was a fucking surfeit of these bands, and they were a dime a fucking dozen. And they sounded like it! Why would they pile shitty bands onto a soundtrack for an almost awesome movie? The logic is so abstruse that I can’t even begin to grapple with it. To try would be akin to going toe to toe with Goliath. That being said, I can honestly say that I did not enjoy this soundtrack at all. With Spiderman that “Hero” song was my fucking theme song that summer. Not only because I loved Spiderman, but there was something so epic about it.
However, with this one, the soundtrack was tuned toward people that were listening to things totally independent of my culture.
I never understood the allure of Dashboard Confessional; I understood why females loved him, he was all torn up about shit. About how girls didn’t like him and always left him, but the thing they failed to realize was that Chris Carraba was fucking rolling in vagina. The very thought of that disgusts me. You fucking knew that when he got off stage he stepped into his dressing room and WHOOSH! He was knee deep in vagina!
ANYWAY, on this one it was the pop/punk/”emo” vibe they tried to cash in on. And I’m sure when they released it, the clouds opened up and cash money poured from the sky and the Sony execs, mouths open, face turned skyward, swallowed it all up in one gulp.
OKAY, so we have ripped apart the first two Spiderman soundtracks, now let’s dig in on the third.
Spiderman 3 (2007)
1. Signal Fire - Snow Patrol
2. Move Away - The Killers
3. Sealings - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
4. Pleased To Meet You - Wolfmother
5. Red River - The Walkmen
6. Stay Free - Black Mountain
7. The Supreme Being Teaches Spider-Man How To Be In Love - The Flaming Lips
8. Scared Of Myself - Simon Dawes
9. The Twist - Chubby Checker
10. Sightlines - Rogue Wave
11. Summer Day - Coconut Records
12. Falling Star - Jet
13. Portrait Of A Summer Thief - Sounds Under Radio
14. A Letter From St. Jude - Wasted Youth
15. Small Parts - The Oohlas
The ploy is once again naked, stripped bare and laid in front of us. There is something different about this record, though. This record has GOOD songs. Unlike the last two, the tracks selected are decent; I can listen to most of them without crying out in anguish. Even bands that usually suck have done good things. They done as good as they could.
For instance, let’s take Snow Patrol’s “Signal Fire.” I used to like Snow Patrol, they had some good songs “Spitting Games”, “Chocolate”, “Run”, etc. But ever since “Chasing Cars” has been on every single fucking TV show on every single fucking network, my tolerance for them hath grown short. But “Signal Fire” is actually a genuinely decent song. Let’s put it this way, I don’t love it, but at the same time, I don’t execrate it.
Fuck man, even The Killers song isn’t horrible! The end is fucking nigh.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs contribute a good song, and I don’t even really like them. I’ll stop here because I’ll probably say the same thing about every track. It is okay.
The theme of this album is obviously “alternative rock” which is a mainstream way of saying “independent” even though some of these guys aren’t. But they have the feel of independent. Whenever I start to get into the music, I remember it is the fucking Spiderman 3 soundtrack and I feel really cheap and dirty. And for that reason, I could never really love it.
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