Monday, April 30, 2007

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! Live!


Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!

Live Bonus Tracks

Score: Hit and Miss!

So I’m a big Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! fan, partly because they hyperbolize that shit! And I love to hyperbolize. As for their live recording…well, it’s hit and miss. During some tracks you can hear some drunk people singing, that’s never a good sign (except if it’s me belting out Big Pimpin’) Also with the lead singers voice, it’s hard for him to nail that squeal every time. I don’t blame him, I’m just saying.

Look, I’m only posting this so I can get 10 posts in one month. I’ve got my hand in too many fucking cookie jars! I’m working, writing TWO (2) separate essays, both monolithic in stature, Spiderman 3 comes out on Friday, Michael Chabon’s new book comes out tomorrow, I’m getting a ping-pong table, I’m working on some music, and some music reviews (full albums!) I’ve got like 6 on the go right now, I’m looking forward to reviewing MC Frontalot’s new album, as well as a couple of mc chris’s stuff (which is dominating my “25 most played” playlist)

Oh yeah, and if all that shit wasn’t bad enough, Mass Effect isn’t coming out until September, fuck you, Bioware. (if you aren’t a gamer…well then that made no sense)

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! Live!

Friday, April 27, 2007

The Shins Live!


The Shins

Live iTunes Exclusive

Score: Subpar!


I’m not a big fan of The Shins. This might come as a startling surprise to most of you. Because how can you like indie rock and not like The Shins? It’s like blasphemy except worse! Listen, I have no problem with The Shins, it’s just that I don’t enjoy them as much as everyone else does, I also have the same sort of relationship with Feist (and as a Canadian, I receive double the flack) But just because Zach Braff pimped it in Garden State doesn’t make them a great band, they are a good band. Some of their songs are really good, some subpar. I’m sorry if you didn’t want to hear this from your savior.

Ps. that drowning kid totally makes this post.


The Shins Live

Saturday, April 21, 2007

The Decemberists Live.




















The Decemberists


Live From SoHo (iTunes Exclusive)/Live At The Zoo

Score: Bitchin'

I've been sick for the last couple days, so besides contemplating getting drunk off of robitussin, which, by the way, is SUPER fucking dangerous, you can even die! how scary is that shit? anyway, between that I've downloading episodes of Full Metal Alchemist in Japanese with English subs (Japanese is really cool!) Now that you know my nerdity is not some grim facade, I really do suck this much! We may begin our dark work.

You may very well know my stance on "exclusives" that stance being that they are the absolute fucking devil. "Exclusives" are things that can only be acquired at certain places at certain times. I don't like feeling shackled by these limitations, I'd like it if i could grab exclusives anywhere, anyfuckingtime, but then it wouldn't be exclusive, right? My qualms with "exclusives" aside, this will be enjoyable for anyone who has seen the Decemberists live (i have!) and want to relive something like it, or just the Decemberists completist. The Live From SoHo was recorded in a Mac store, because as you know, Mac stores have the (arguably) best acoustics. I decided to include TWO (2) live recordings, the Live From SoHo is only 128 so it's a little on the soft side, but the Live at The Zoo recording is 192 which is much better.

Fun Fact: Although they have never answered this question in any interview I have read (many). I believe that the Decemberists got their name from the word Decembrist. A Decembrist is one who took part in the unsuccessful uprising against the Russian Emperor Nicholas I in December of 1825. Did I just blow your mind?

Live At SoHo

Live At The Zoo

don't wanna die sippin' on syrup.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

For The Pure Ones.


Hello humble readership! Anyone who knows me (i.e. none of you) knows that I am not quick to anger, not quick to raise my fist in the air and become a self appointed champion for a cause. While my fist may be raised in anger now, I am by no means a champion for this cause. I am but one crusader in this journey, a journey where I won’t have to look over my back to see if The Man is attempting to anally penetrate me or if he has dispatched one of his cronies, who I will be calling Lesser Men, which they truly are, Lesser Humans, epsilon fucking minus’ multiplied by infinity plus one. These people hound our disorganized organization, they wish to bring about the fall of a group of outstanding individuals, they wish for the death of the FMC! You may be wondering what precisely the FMC is, but you already know, because you are a part, even though I have yet to send you your registration papers and complimentary mug, and you know you are a part, because when I said FMC your heart knew that this was a just cause. The FMC stands for The Free Media Coalition, The FMC, or if you don’t like the fancy word Coalition, just pretend it stands for The Free Media Cru, it’s more street that way.

The event that brought about this call to arms was one I dread to remember. It was like any other night, I had one of my dogs over to play Gears of War and I was cruising a music blog, this music blog is vast, it’s like an ocean filled to the brim with music! Anyway, while on his blog, I went to the comments section, just to see how many people are praising him for doing this important work, much to my chagrin, his comments section was rife with people shaming him!

Just look at these:

Anonymous said...

please take down the links to:
Elk City - New Believers
Yacht - I Believe in You Your Magic Is Real
We All Have Hooks For Hands - The Pretender
Jesse Malin - Glitter in the Gutter
Stars - Do You Trust Your Friends?
A Sunny Day In Glasgow - Scribble Mural Comic Journal
Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
Voxtrot - Voxtrot

i don't think a SINGLE one of these bands or their respective labels are appreciative of you flaunting illegal downloads of their music. for shame.

Verdict: self righteous asshole.

Anonymous said...

Take down all the records you are illegally offering, ie ALL of them.

Verdict: who the fuck are you?

Ian said...

Hey, could you please take these records down. It's just not cool. I run Afternoon Records (the label We All Have Hooks For Hands is on), and it just hurts to see this.
Feel free to contact me at ian@aftenroonrecords.com

Verdict: yeah, sure Ian, just because you run a record label doesn’t mean you can just tell this guy to take ALL his shit down. that’s just not cool, man.

Look, I am sympathetic to the Afternoon Records guy, but only if he was suggesting the owner of the blog taking down all the We All Have Hooks For Hands records, but his request is just ludicrous. You’ll notice that most of the commentators are quick to dole out the word shame. So how about I serve up a couple words that could very well describe the people who post on other peoples blogs, just to tell them how much they disagree/are brought to the point of retching by the very thought of free(illegal) music.

dicks, fuckers, assholes, cunts, ne’er do wells, pricks, self righteous, people with nothing better to do, cuntmuscles, lifeless, soul eaters, dark lord Sauron, Satan, baby eaters.

Listen, these guys (demons who assume the shape of humans) are just self righteous assholes, ask them to dismount their high horses or toss a rope to the belfry (where they no doubt ring the bell of injustice!) of their ivory towers and ask them to return to the ground, just long enough for you to scoop out their eyeballs with a ice cream scooper.

It might sound like I think this is one big joke, nay, I only use humor to thinly veil my disgust, as a semi-amateur photographer, do you think I care if someone right clicks on my .jpeg and saves it to their hard disc!? I don’t care, because I can’t stop it. Hey, you. Yeah, you. Have you saved any .jpeg files in your life? Because you know that it’s technically the property of whoever took the picture or made the design or whatever, so, if you have saved any illegal .jpegs, I would urge, no, plead with you to turn yourself in to the authorities or at the very least take them down before your soul is sentenced to eternal damnation! But why don’t these self righteous crusaders care about people saving/stealing images?

Well, part of it is because the government has yet to regulate what you can view, another is that they are probably hypocrites. They have never taped anything on a VCR or a DVD Recorder, never ever taped something on a cassette tape for their sweetheart, they have never broken any rules, never lent a rented DVD to a friend. These people are pure. Souls whiter than a fresh snowfall. Yeah, right.

Without downloading music, I would never have heard half of the bands that are now in my repertoire, I would have never gone to any of their shows, bought any of their merch. If it weren’t for downloadable music, I would still be in my basement listening to Linkin Park or Three Days Grace, instead I’m in the basement listening to Beirut, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, MC Frontalot, and mc chris. Do you think anyone who hasn’t been exposed to the scourge that is downloadable music would be listening to mc chris?! NO. For smaller artists it is certainly give and take, they don’t sell so many records, but the shows are packed (or more packed than without music downloads)

And do you honestly think that I’m going to go my local record shoppe (HMV) and buy the Gulag Orkestar which costs a million or more dollars? Listen, I fucking LOVE Beirut, but I’m not going to take out a second mortgage on my house just to listen to them, I would rather pay the same amount or more and go see him live, and buy some merchandise, at least then the band will actually see the fucking money.

Let’s go back to the people who were on the fucking site in the first place, what were you doing there? Why not just leave? Do you think people actually give a shit what other people think, let alone the fucking owner of the blog? “oh, I guess some assholes got mad and told me to take down ALL my illegal records, I better comply or they might whine some more.” Get a fucking life.

FMC 4 LYFE!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Beirut! LIVE! At SXSW



Blogger is being a bitch and not letting me upload a photo of Zach Condon blowing into his trumpet or whatever, because that's why he's usually doing in pictures. Pretty self explanatory here, just a live Beirut show I came across in my journey to collect all things Beirut. Enjoy.

NOTE: I've changed all my file hosting to sharebee just to see if anyone even fucking downloads this stuff. the results will no doubt be terrifying.

Beirut Live At SXSW!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Decemberists -The Tain EP - Record Review


The Tain EP

The Decemberists

Score: 7.5

Songs that are 18 minutes and 35 seconds long are rarely good, actually, they are almost always absolute atrocities. Crimes against man. With self indulgent guitar solos that will “totally alter your reality” if you are baked out of your fucking mind. This is why stoners, or ex/sometimes/ if I’m at a party stoners will always get super pissed when I tell them that I absolutely fucking detested Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, no matter how influential on modern rock they have become, I abhor them.

That being said, The Decemberists released an opus to rival even that of Zep or Floyd, which is, as I said before, and 18 minute and 35 second epic. The Tain is The Decemberists retelling of an old Irish myth called Táin Bó Cúailnge or The Cattle Raid Of Cooley or, as you see it here, The Tain. The legend is pretty fucked up, there are curses, trysts, and crazy Irish names, like Aillil and Medb, I am also led to believe there was a battle over extremely fertile bulls. Yes, animals.



Above is the link for the story if you really want to know what the hell is really going on. this is a site for music, so I’m not going to try and interpret Irish mythology, no matter how fertile the livestock may be.

So let’s get down to the dirt here, what exactly is happening? There are five parts to The Tain. If you break it apart piece by piece, you get a better idea of how the story goes.

Part I

crone: here upon this pillow
made of reed and willow
you're a fickle little twister
are you sweet on your sister?
your fallow won't leave you alone.

and granted for their pleasure
possesions laid to measure
she's a salty little pisser
with your cock in her kisser
but now she's a will of her own.

What does this mean?! : I’m guessing this is where the Queen (Medb) and King (Aillil) are comparing their riches to that of their rival Ulster, they plan to steal Ulster’s bull in order to be as rich, or richer than him.

Part II

husband: damn your ankles and eyes wide
from you fingernails to your ponytails too.
king of the insects and the m-5
over charlemagne in a motorcade too.

and baby needs a new prize
baby needs a new and shiny prize.

captain: in this place called heavenly
you were born here.
this place called heavenly
you were born here.
you were born here.

husband: and now all the marchers descend from high
i will dedicate all of my awakenings to this.

and damn all the angles that opress my sight
i will bleed your heart through a samovar soon.

captain: in this place called heavenly
you were born here.
this place called heavenly
you were born here.
you were born here.

What does this mean?! : I think here is where the King is getting pissed that his wife just can’t be silent, they are having to go to war for a bull just to keep his woman content. King Aillil seriously needs to keep his pimp hand strong.

PART III

soldier: they settled dust in your hair
to watch you shake and shout it out.
with our armaments bared
we shed our bags and travel alls.

from the lee of the wall
he comes in the chang and the chariot
and all his eunuchs in thrall
can scarce lift his line and lariat.

here com loose his hounds
to blow me down.

chorus of waifs: blow me down.

soldier: on this stretch of ground
i'll lay me down.

chorus of waifs: lay me down.

soldier: to sleep.

chaplain: and now stricken with pangs
that tear at our backs like thistle down
the mirror's soft silver tain
reflects our last and birthing hour

soldier: here com loose his hounds
to blow me down.

chorus of waifs: blow me down.

soldier: on this stretch of ground
i'll lay me down.

chorus of waifs: lay me down.

soldier: to sleep.

What does this mean?! : This is the war part. Where Cú Chulainn and Fer Diad fight it out. Cu wins after three days, and is stricken with sorrow because he had to kill his foster brother.

PART IV

evening

widow: o the wind is blowing, it hurts your skin
as you climb up hillside, forest and fen.

your arms full of lullabies, orchids and wine
your memories wrapped within paper and twine.

the room that you lie in is dusty and hard
sleeping soft babies on piles of yards
of gingham, taffeta, cotton and silk
your dry hungry mouths cry for your mother's milk.

when the dawn comes to greet you, you'll rise with clothes on
and advance with the others, singing old songs
of cattle and maidens and withered old queens.
let the music carry you on.

the room that you lie in is dusty and hard
sleeping soft babies on piles of yards
of gingham, taffeta, cotton and silk
your dry hungry mouths cry for your mother's milk.

What does this mean?! : This is clearly after the battle and portrays the aftermath. Jesus, I don’t even know.

PART V

woman: darling dear what have you done?
your clothes are town, your make-up runs.

daughter: i ran through brambles, blooming thistle
i washed my face in the river when you whistled me on.

woman: darling dear, what have you done?
your hands and face are smeared with blood.

daughter: the chaplain came and called me out
to beat and to butcher his mother's sow

woman: but darling dear, they found him dead
this morning on the riverbed.

but hush now darling, don't you cry.
your reward's in the sweet by-and -by.
hush now baby, don't you cry.
your reward's in the sweet by-and-by.

crone: and now we've seen your powers
softly stretch the hours
you're a fickle little twister
are you sweet on your sister?
as now you go wandering home.

What does this mean?! : Who fucking knows.

I don’t think anyone really knows what the fuck The Tain is about, but it’s nice to listen to. It also makes me want to say “Taint” which is slang for vag which is short hand for vagina. Excellent.



The Tain

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sunset Rubdown - We've Got Broken Eyes- Track Review


Sunset Rubdown

We've Got Broken Eyes

Score: 4/5

This one is a bit of a rarity, seeing as it isn’t found on any of the Sunset Rubdown LP’s or EP’s. I can’t understand this, because it is by far (arguably) one of the best Sunset Rubdown songs to date. In We’ve Got Broken Eyes, Krug sets the tone of the song early quickly piling up, otherwise annoying as hell noises, to make beautiful ones. Which is one of Krug’s seemingly endless talents, making things that would otherwise sound horrible and making it sound like replacing them with softer, more universally enjoyable noises would just be “ridonkulous” . Upon writing this review, I listened to the song heavily, never once understanding what exactly in Gods name, Krug is shrieking about. Except for “Lord, I think the city’s been hypnotized/kiddies got a lot of shit in their eyes.” Now that is the Krug we have grown to love, even if you do know the words, you still don’t know what (if anything) they are pertaining to. There are parts where I doubt he is even speaking a dialect which is recognizable in North America, or even the world. Maybe C3PO knows what the fuck he’s saying, maybe not. At one point in the song, it sounds like Krug is singing twice, with one voice, saying different things in the same tone, it is truly bizarre, but that is the real genius here. We’ve Got Broken Eyes is so bizarre and jangled that I don’t know what’s happening; I’m confused, scared, and at times hungry. All I know is that when the song is done (6:58) My ears are ringing with joy but my mind is a smoking ruin.


We've Got Broken Eyes

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Michael Penn - Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947 - Record Review


Michael Penn

Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947

Score: 5.2

Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947 is a deceptive record, in that the first song “Walter Reed” is powerful and beautiful, but after “Walter Reed’s” three minutes and forty two seconds are up, you could probably turn it off and feel like “wow, Michael Penn is a pretty good musician.” and you could go on living your life in a state of ignorant bliss, and it would be truly sublime, because you will never have listened to the rest of this, this sap.

Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947 is not only annoying to type out, it is almost impenetrable as well, it moves along as slow as a snail, coated in molasses, sliding across fucking quicksand. I understand that Michael Penn is a great musician, the album is put together very well, the instruments certainly make the proper noises. I also think he says “fuck” in one of his songs. This is an album I would listen to if I wanted to slip into a coma, and while listening to it now, my eyelids grow heavy, my muscles become tired and the tap on the keyboard slows, also a trickle of drool escapes the corner of my mouth, splooshing onto the rich mahogany of my desk, creating a stain that will drive me to madness. ( I don’t like stains.)

Where was I? Ah, yes, this record sucks. While I can appreciate mellow music, this is just fucking boring, so boring and meaningless that I want to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills and put a Ziploc on my head. Oh. Wow, that wasn’t weird. Damn you, Michael Penn!

Reviewing this was a hard process, on the one hand, it sucks hard. but on the other hand, I respect it because it tries to do something genuine, something I haven’t seen in a concept album before, setting the record in 1947 and having it play out all these events from that year, like romance, politics and key inventions (“Television Set Waltz”). I can appreciate an artist who uses a time period as one of the most powerful things in the album (although, I doubt he meant for it to be the best thing about it).

Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947 has an interesting concept behind it, but is just not easily accessible. It actually takes willpower to sit there and listen to it in it’s gloriously boring entirety.


Mr. Hollywood Jr. 1947

mc chris - life's a bitch and i'm her pimp - not record review


mc chris

life's a bitch and i'm her pimp

score : 7.1

I can’t really describe it, but you need to listen to it.





mc chris - life's a bitch and i'm her pimp