The Decemberists -The Tain EP - Record Review

The Tain EP

The Decemberists

Score: 7.5

Songs that are 18 minutes and 35 seconds long are rarely good, actually, they are almost always absolute atrocities. Crimes against man. With self indulgent guitar solos that will “totally alter your reality” if you are baked out of your fucking mind. This is why stoners, or ex/sometimes/ if I’m at a party stoners will always get super pissed when I tell them that I absolutely fucking detested Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, no matter how influential on modern rock they have become, I abhor them.

That being said, The Decemberists released an opus to rival even that of Zep or Floyd, which is, as I said before, and 18 minute and 35 second epic. The Tain is The Decemberists retelling of an old Irish myth called Táin Bó Cúailnge or The Cattle Raid Of Cooley or, as you see it here, The Tain. The legend is pretty fucked up, there are curses, trysts, and crazy Irish names, like Aillil and Medb, I am also led to believe there was a battle over extremely fertile bulls. Yes, animals.

Above is the link for the story if you really want to know what the hell is really going on. this is a site for music, so I’m not going to try and interpret Irish mythology, no matter how fertile the livestock may be.

So let’s get down to the dirt here, what exactly is happening? There are five parts to The Tain. If you break it apart piece by piece, you get a better idea of how the story goes.

Part I

crone: here upon this pillow
made of reed and willow
you're a fickle little twister
are you sweet on your sister?
your fallow won't leave you alone.

and granted for their pleasure
possesions laid to measure
she's a salty little pisser
with your cock in her kisser
but now she's a will of her own.

What does this mean?! : I’m guessing this is where the Queen (Medb) and King (Aillil) are comparing their riches to that of their rival Ulster, they plan to steal Ulster’s bull in order to be as rich, or richer than him.

Part II

husband: damn your ankles and eyes wide
from you fingernails to your ponytails too.
king of the insects and the m-5
over charlemagne in a motorcade too.

and baby needs a new prize
baby needs a new and shiny prize.

captain: in this place called heavenly
you were born here.
this place called heavenly
you were born here.
you were born here.

husband: and now all the marchers descend from high
i will dedicate all of my awakenings to this.

and damn all the angles that opress my sight
i will bleed your heart through a samovar soon.

captain: in this place called heavenly
you were born here.
this place called heavenly
you were born here.
you were born here.

What does this mean?! : I think here is where the King is getting pissed that his wife just can’t be silent, they are having to go to war for a bull just to keep his woman content. King Aillil seriously needs to keep his pimp hand strong.

PART III

soldier: they settled dust in your hair
to watch you shake and shout it out.
with our armaments bared
we shed our bags and travel alls.

from the lee of the wall
he comes in the chang and the chariot
and all his eunuchs in thrall
can scarce lift his line and lariat.

here com loose his hounds
to blow me down.

chorus of waifs: blow me down.

soldier: on this stretch of ground
i'll lay me down.

chorus of waifs: lay me down.

soldier: to sleep.

chaplain: and now stricken with pangs
that tear at our backs like thistle down
the mirror's soft silver tain
reflects our last and birthing hour

soldier: here com loose his hounds
to blow me down.

chorus of waifs: blow me down.

soldier: on this stretch of ground
i'll lay me down.

chorus of waifs: lay me down.

soldier: to sleep.

What does this mean?! : This is the war part. Where Cú Chulainn and Fer Diad fight it out. Cu wins after three days, and is stricken with sorrow because he had to kill his foster brother.

PART IV

evening

widow: o the wind is blowing, it hurts your skin
as you climb up hillside, forest and fen.

your arms full of lullabies, orchids and wine
your memories wrapped within paper and twine.

the room that you lie in is dusty and hard
sleeping soft babies on piles of yards
of gingham, taffeta, cotton and silk
your dry hungry mouths cry for your mother's milk.

when the dawn comes to greet you, you'll rise with clothes on
and advance with the others, singing old songs
of cattle and maidens and withered old queens.
let the music carry you on.

the room that you lie in is dusty and hard
sleeping soft babies on piles of yards
of gingham, taffeta, cotton and silk
your dry hungry mouths cry for your mother's milk.

What does this mean?! : This is clearly after the battle and portrays the aftermath. Jesus, I don’t even know.

PART V

woman: darling dear what have you done?
your clothes are town, your make-up runs.

daughter: i ran through brambles, blooming thistle
i washed my face in the river when you whistled me on.

woman: darling dear, what have you done?
your hands and face are smeared with blood.

daughter: the chaplain came and called me out
to beat and to butcher his mother's sow

woman: but darling dear, they found him dead
this morning on the riverbed.

but hush now darling, don't you cry.
your reward's in the sweet by-and -by.
hush now baby, don't you cry.
your reward's in the sweet by-and-by.

crone: and now we've seen your powers
softly stretch the hours
you're a fickle little twister
are you sweet on your sister?
as now you go wandering home.

What does this mean?! : Who fucking knows.

I don’t think anyone really knows what the fuck The Tain is about, but it’s nice to listen to. It also makes me want to say “Taint” which is slang for vag which is short hand for vagina. Excellent.

The Tain